Random conversation ending with Twilight
by OoOoOoO-Paris-Falls-OoOoOoO
Summary: this is what happens in our UMW meetings when my cousin Lizzie and I have no idea what is going on and no one will listen to us anyways so we pass notes somehow all our conversations end in something twilight related
1. Chapter 1

While sitting in a monthly meeting for our church, my cousin Lizzie and I wrote on my school shopping list. Previously, I had said that I didn't use pencils for my schoolwork, because I like pens better. I went on vacation to Indiana the past month, so my cousin had to record the progress of the meeting in my mother's ledger. While the meeting progressed, we scribbled furiously on the piece of paper. This is a documented account of how random we are and how all our conversations pretty much end up being about twilight.

You scribbled in the ledger!

I was using a PEN to make it official, pens don't have erasers, and white out doesn't match. MISTAKES HAPPEN!! If anyone has issues with this, I will personally send Emmett out to kick their butt while Jasper makes them feel "happy" and I kill Bella and steal Edward for my self! XD bwahahaha!

If we put our random thoughts into a book and published it we would be millionaires you know this right?

Yes, but we'd have VOLUMES up to the roman numeral D!

Well obviously that was insinuated

…blonde thinking… no results found

Insinuated means that something is implied or hinted at-results found?

Ooooooooh… I got it! Big words don't like me!

Why does everyone say that to me? I don't feel the need to lower my vocab ALL the time. I've dumbed it down enough as it is for school

Nice L

Long story short I know BIGGER words

So do I. SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS! ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM!

No making up words that sound like I should know them from science class.

It's not from science, I don't even know what it means.

I would look it up but I don't have a dictionary

Nor do I

Like I said before MILLIONARES! And then maybe my music playing devices would last more than a year.

Convo theme for 2008: (random subject change speaking of music!) rockstar: live the lyrics. (sounds like something Hannah Montana would say XP)

I know I got the OFFICIAL bulletin in the mail-cool graphics

So did I XD

Silly rabbit trix are for kids and hungry teens

Hungry hungry HIPPOS!

Emmett says hippos taste nummy.

in the background my aunt talks about the Christmas craft sale at the town hall with Santa Claus for the kids… Edward says: Santa's reindeer taste better-er!! ( I can't believe it's not butter! LOL)

At this point Rosalie smacks them both upside the head while Bella and Alice laugh about it

And Esme gets the butter and shoves it in Ed's and Em's faces. "EAT IT!"

both of us are laughing quietly as to not disrupt the meeting great now the only problem is how to drag Jasper and Carlisle into this.

after a moment of pondering, Lizzie bursts out in the uncontrolled giggles Jasper comes in dressed as the Trix rabbit and Carlisle comes in dressed as Santa and they both stagger around singing at the top of their lungs: "We're hungry, hungry, hippos! We're really, really great!" THE END

Steph Meyer may sue us

It's worth it

Yup


	2. Chapter 2

**Ah yet another chapter in the random Twilight conversations that my cousin Lizzie and I have during the monthly UMW meeting, speaking of my cousin go to her fanfic profile (chet101) and check out her story! As always reviews are appreciated, the italics are me, and the regular script is my cousin.**

_Are we going to start passing notes about vampires again?_

Oh why not?

_What to say? Which vamp to pick? You know someone should write a vamp handbook. WE should write a vamp handbook. You know I really thought that this pen would be purple._

Nope its pink! Anyways good point – here's a start: Emmett = teddy bear with teeth! Lol!

_Not just Stephenie Meyer's vampires, I mean all of them, including the sparkly ones._

I like the sparkly ones. :) Why doesn't Carlisle sparkle? Being a doctor and all, he has to go out in the sun sometime... I mean people don't just fall down on cloudy days. Must be the make-up.

_He doesn't have to go outside when it's sunny, Dr's work 12hr shifts sometimes, he could come and go when it's dark._

But see, Bella fell down the stairs during the day, and he was there, and it was sunny when she almost died by the Big Blue Box on wheels. So HOW do they do it? By wearing lots of makeup.

_Or a sweatshirt, remember Volterra in New Moon? They kept out of the sun using their cloaks._

But that would only protect them outside, what about the windows? Have you never looked at a hospital? There's like a kazillian windows there.

_True but he doesn't have to stand in the sun._

But what if the sun is shining directly on the window, there's a guy having a seizure in room 313, Carlisle is the only Dr. on staff and the curtain is stuck. What then?

_If he's the only Dr. on staff and someone is having a seizure why the hell are they looking at Carlisle?_

Cuz he's a friggin good Dr. duh!

_But shouldn't they be concentrating on the patient's vitals rather than the eye candy in front of them?_

But he's so SHINY! They cannot look away...:)

_He works in Forks! It's rainy! There are no friggin windows in that hospital! Patients recover faster if there is a pleasant setting outside, not if it's raining cats and dogs! Why would there even be windows for the sun to shine into?_

So they can see the SUN! And the fact that SOMETIME during the ordeal, the nurses will glance at the Dr. and see that he's really shiny.

_Figment of their imagination, the nurse is going crazy and should be committed._

And how often have you been distracted by shiny objects?

_That's beside the point, nurses see shiny things all the time, needles, gurneys, that little machine that goes "Ping", they are trained to not be distracted by shiny things._

But this is the person that they look up too! **(My aunt who is a nurse begs to differ on the matter of nurses looking up to the doctors) **He's giving them orders!

_Which they are too busy following to be ogling!!!!!!!_

**And so concludes this month's episode of random Twilight conversations, I'd like to point out here that my cousin gave our notes to her mother, my aunt, because she knew that she was losing this argument, her mother didn't let her win and just laughed when she got to the bits about the machine that goes "Ping" and how nurses look up to doctors. So anyways review and be sure to check out the chet101 story Perilous Enchantment!**


	3. author's note

**I apologize in advance I was trying to be witty**

Diane sat in her desk in first hour Algebra arguing quietly with the voices in her head.

"Ugh!" she screamed so loudly that it reverberated off of the walls in her head. "I hate writer's block! I hate it I hate it I hate it!"

"Did you seriously just stamp your foot?" the voice called Jacob asked "I thought girls only did that on TV."

"Shut up! You've barely even made an appearance in any of my stories yet!" Diane scowled at the tall boy in front of her "And stop talking in 'Twilight' quotes!"

"Sure, sure." he said offhandedly.

Suddenly a high pitched beep resounded throughout the small room.

"What was that?" Jacob cried "Fire truck? Vampire attack? Nuclear bomb warning?"

"Calm down mutt." Edward said appearing suddenly out of nowhere "It's just the bell, Diane has to go to her next class."

"Oh shit! Hold on I'.ll be right back!" Diane promised. And with that she disappeared from her own mind leaving Edward and Jacob to fend for themselves.

"Wow." Jacob said looking around "It sure is empty in here."

"That's because second hour has barely begun." Edward pointed out knowingly "You can't expect a whole lot to be going on at this early in the morning."

"I thought she was supposed to be smart. Aren't smart people supposed to always be thinking?" Jacob questioned rudely.

Diane momentarily popped back into her subconscious. "Yes, they are."

A metal plate clamped itself over Jacob's mouth.

"And there's my latest idea. Now if you two will excuse me I have science homework to do now." With a puff of smoke, just because she could, she disappeared.

Jacob was now fighting with the muzzle over his mouth and Edward sat down to watch his futile attempts from a distance.

And since there had already been an ungodly amount of people popping up out of nowhere Jasper and Emmett joined the party and sat down next to Edward.

"What happened to the mutt?" Jasper asked, jerking his head in Jacob's direction.

"He bit the hand that fed him, so he got muzzled." Edward explained trying not to laugh.

Emmett didn't bother to attempt to hold it in laughing loudly, "Nice."

"Hey quiet down in here!" Diane scolded back from her science class "Do you want everyone to think that I've lost my mind?"

"But you have."

"That's irrelevant!"

"No it's not. You're arguing with fictional characters that you didn't even come up with." Emmett told her.

"Shut up or you're next." She threatened with a pointed look over in Jacob's direction.

"Now Diane." Jasper said calmly "Why don't you just tell your nice readers why you're so upset and posting this author's note."

Sigh "Okay. I'm taking a break from fanfiction for a couple of months."

The room fell silent, and Jacob stopped struggling. In a matter of seconds all the characters from other fanfics that had been written both complete and incomplete appeared in the small room.

The rest of the Cullen's, Robin Hood, Maid Marian, Mr. Banner, The Fates, Will Scarlet other Greek deities and an unnamed character clutching a ring suddenly crowded the room.

"What? Why?" They cried.

"Jasper help." Diane whimpered.

Jasper scowled at Diane for a moment before calming down the crowd.

"Why are you taking a break?" Jasper asked.

"Well other than major writer's block on all of my stories – and no I am not giving them up – I have other stories that don't pertain to fanfiction in the slightest that I've been neglecting."

"But didn't you just stop writing a little while ago?" Suze Simon asked.

"Well yes, but that was an unannounced and unplanned hiatus. I'm very sorry that I disappeared for about three months there but not a whole lot I can do about it now."

"You can tell us the other reason that you're taking a break." The Fates rasped, their scissors poised precariously over what Diane could only assume to be her lifeline.

"Well next summer I'm going on a trip to Europe and it's like 5500 dollars. Yeah. I'm not that rick and I need a job. BAD. So while I go look for work and do some stuff on the other stories" the characters from stories not yet completed had appeared and were giving Diane evil stares that burned in the back of her skull "I'm not going to be posting to fanfiction."

"You know." Aiden – a character from one of the aforementioned other stories said "This was an awfully long author's note just to tell everyone that you were taking a break just so you could concentrate on us."

"Yeah." Jacob agreed "Don't you think that you just wasted your readers time?"

"Shut up!" Diane yelled "No one told you that you could take that thing off yet!"

"Sorry..."

"Yeah what he said."


	4. Chapter 4

**Just because I'm on fanfic break doesn't mean I can't pass any notes, so please don't kill me**

**D is in bold**

L is regular script

_At our town's Memorial Day celebration..._

**What do you think that the Cullens would do with all of these morons that parked bass ackwards in the middle of the road?**

Well, he'd make a big pile of the cars on top of the water tower, then go steal the microphone from the chief of police, and make an announcement of the license plate number and tell them to "Please move you vehicle." That'd be funny :)

**Or he could just steal the moron's car. It looks like a Cullen car but I don't think that any of them would park quite so stupid.**

Wait. What car are you talking about? The red one with the butt sticking out? Or the black one that's parked bass ackwards?

**The black one that looks like Carlisle's. The other guy with the red car is close to knowing how to park but he's not quite there yet.**

Yeah, close but I think that he needs to go back to driver's ed.

**Me too. And while we're on the subject of cars, why did Jasper drive in Twilight? In Eclipse Edward said that he'd give Jasper his motorcycle, and that he thought it was time that Jasper found a new way to get around, which makes me think that Jasper didn't like to drive. WTF Melissa Rosenburg?**

Good point.

**I know right?**

**And do you know what else I know? That you should review, anonymous reviews accepted please share the stupid**


	5. Chapter 5

**D is bold**

L is regular script

_Debate: If the Cullens walk into a church will they burst into flames?_

Probably not, because Carlisle used to be religious and all.

**You mean how his father used to be a priest? I'm sure that there's other vampires who were religious and couldn't go into a church under penalty of death.**

But see because those people KNEW that they were vamps, I don't think that the people nowdays would know on if they saw one.

**No! Not that kind of 'under penalty of death' like some... other worldly force would smite them should they step over the barrier.**

Huh. There's only one way to find out....

**Turn Mike Newton and unleash him on the Catholics in the middle of communion?**

*Cackles evilly and rubs hands together* Yes...

**Sorry that it was so short but regardless of length you should review, anonymous reviews accepted**


	6. Chapter 6

**D**

L

**As a strawberry blond I resent the fact that Edward prefers brunettes.**

As a blond. Ditto.

**And who came up with the whole dumb blond thing anyways?**

They should be shot. They don't have brunette jokes because they don't have a attention span long enough to sit through one. Given there are some pretty stupid blonds out there, but then again, the valedictorian of the senior class is a blond. And of those in the top ten percent of our class eighty percent of those are blond. So you know what? Yeah – blond jokes are funny, but they really give us a bad name, as my friend Ashley – a brunette – said to me, "L ur not a blond. Ur a super blond!"

**It was Emmett wasn't it? It had to have been him, just another way to annoy Carlisle. Although Rose probably would have castrated him. But then again, they did break houses when they were first married, and it was only incinuated HOW they broke them... so L are you pondering what I'm pondering?**

Yes, but I think that Rosalie would probably kill me...

**Hey. Somebody has to give Emmett his physical and at this point Carlisle sure as hell isn't going to do it.**

No! I was thinking about trying to beat up Emmett for making up the stupid blond jokes...but physicals work too... :)

**Well if that's the case then wouldn't Rosalie help you?**

Possibly. Maybe Jasper and Carlisle will help. Or they'll stop me before I even get in the door, but most likely they'll help me. That'd be FUNNY.

**Emmett is SOL isn't he?**

Yup. He's doomed.

**And so are you if you don't review, anonymous reviews accepted**


	7. Chapter 7

**D**

L

**Okay I know that this is going to sound like I spend way to much time on facebook and I do so that's okay. I saw this flair the other day that said "I wanna see more of Jasper's bat skills" and I'm sure that they meant something completely different, but you have to admit that was a really cool bit in the movie.**

Yeah. I love that scene from "Vampires play baseball" - to the point where the bad guys show up and ruin all the fun.

**I know right? I think that they're giving away a baseball game with the Twilight cast somewhere. I can't remember where. On one hand I wanna win because that would be awesome. But on the other hand I didn't even enter because that would be horribly horribly embarrassing because I can't play sports, like at all. It's sad really it is.**

Me too. *Michael Jackson wears the Barney suit *

**You realize that no one reading this will know where the hell that came from right?**

That's okay, if they really want to know, they'll reply and say so.

**You heard the lady. The button is right below this and it has green letters on it. Make with the clicking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	8. Chapter 8

**D**

L

**Okay new topic: Hot Topic and their tiny ass Twilight T-shirts. I mean seriously, I went in there the other day all ready to buy a Jasper shirt, but then I picked up the biggest one that they had and was like OMFG! There's no way that tiny thing was a 2x! It wouldn't have fit my computer moniter! Which by the way is a tiny flat screen. I don't know who to be more upset with: Hot Topic for selling those shirts, Summit Entertainment for manufacturing them, or Jackson Rathbone for being so damn cute!**

Well, not Hot Topic, cuz they have skinny people shopping there and not his fault for being hot!

**But they sell Twilight shirts at Wal Mart too! And fat people like me shop there all the time! And yet I still can't fit in those shirts! Well I probably could if I really tried and sucked it in as far if would go, but I don't even want to see that I don't think that anyone else would either. Damn you Summit Entertainment and you prejudice against self proclaimed fat people! Damn you!**

**Wow that was short. And mostly me ranting. If you're against short chapters like this review, if not well still review, anonymous reviews accepted.**


	9. Chapter 9

**D**

L

**Okay. Since I'm now a shameless promoter of fanfics that I love, have you read When She Smiles by L'huere Blue (I think that's how you spell it at least) I mean I love it but geez! Some of the things that have happened to Jasper and Alice in there! It's so sad!**

Well your a Jasper supporter that's why

**Edward supporters would think that it's sad too! Part of me doesn't want to know what else is going to happen but I can't look away! I recommend that everyone read that story and its predesessor Child of the Night. Really L you should read more fanfics. There's some really great ones out there, quite a few are on my favorites list (Go find it right now!) **

**I'm kinda upset that Fatima Fire and Ice took off Back in Black, that was like my favorite fic ever! If anyone knows what she did with it TELL ME! Cause all of her stories are gone as well and I miss them! And Daddy's Little Cannibal! She was killed in a car accident a couple of weeks ago! I couldn't believe it! She was only 18!**

Awe! That really sucks!

**It really does! She was an awesome author, I can't believe that bitch that set up an account on fanfic just to bash on her stories! It was deleted by the administrators of fanficiton within a day or two though. And all the munchkins rejoiced "Ding Dong the bitch is dead! Which a bitch? The wicked bitch! Ding Dong the wicked bitch is deaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"**

**In case there is any confusion here I AM talking about the person that set up an account to bash Daddy's Little Cannibal, seriously if you can't say it to someone's face shut the fuck up!**


	10. Chapter 10

**D**

L

_While driving in the car on the way to L's house from D's_

Do Vampires like brownies?

**Everyone likes brownies, I'm B-positive about it.**

Well not everyone. My Mommy doesn't like them. She thinks they're 'Too chocolatey'... and something about swallowing a mouthful of angleworms...

**What the hell are angleworms? That doesn't sound like Cullen food.**

They're like earthworms I guess, I don't see a difference. Regular worms like you dig up a hole because you want to see if you can't really dig a hole to China and pull up a shovel of dirty slimy crawly bug things squirming around and you're like "Hey a worm!" like what we used to carry around until they were warm and mushy when we were three. THOSE type of worms.

**I don't remember warm and mushy worms, frogs yes, but not worms. And here I thought that Edward couldn't tamper with your memories.**

Nope. That's Jasper's job...they were in it together!!!! No because you and me would always carry worms and slugs like they were our bestest buddies! And toads. We didn't master full blown frognapping until we were much older.

**Oh yeah... pity we couldn't hang out until I was two...**

True... buts that's when I started having long term memories... I don't have one memory before you come up. It's sad really.

**Awwww...**

**Actually I don't either.**

**Review or the Ed-sper tagteam will erase all of your memories...**


	11. Chapter 11

While watching the admittedly disturbing episode of Criminal Minds with Jackson Rathbone.

**D**

L

**Do you how Jackson's character only goes after tall guys with kinda short black hair, slightly tanned and built a bit like a Taylor Lautner?**

Yup...soooo...that means Jasper's raping and pillaging hotels looking for Jacob!

**Exactly. Maybe Jacob got Nessie pregnant and Edward has been sworn not to hurt him. So he enlisted Jasper, which means that Alice is at home somewhere laughing her ass off. About the man(werewolf?)-hunt for Jacob not the murdering of innocent ass faces. "Remember whatever you do to her tonight, I'm gonna do to you."**

Uh huh.

**If you saw the episode of Criminal Minds that we're talking about you'll know what I mean when I say...**

**Review or Amanda will push you off the top of a hotel.**

**If you don't find it on youtube or something and watch it now!**


	12. Chapter 12

_Finally we get back to the note passing in ladies aide. At this month's meeting there was a little kid sitting next to L and across the table from D, for all intents and purposes we'll call her M._

**D**

L

Do you know what time it is?

**Miller time?**

No...

**Twilight Thursday?**

Well yes, but that's not what I was thinking of.

**Okay I give up what time is it?**

Tool Time!!! Just kidding, time to write another random message about something non-related to anything!! Yaaaaaay!

**Dammit I lost the game again...**

I lost the game! (Thank you very much!)

**You're welcome :) Guess what?**

I'm bad at guessing games. Can you just tell me instead?

**Well first M has a very squishy eraser, second I've recently come to the conclusion that I could probably work on the Twilight movies without makeup because I'm just so wonderfully pale. Maybe I could even try to pass myself off as Tanya Denali...?**

I wanna be one too! I came become dormant in winter! My lobster tan will fade!

**Eventually...**

**Why don't we live anywhere that they might possibly be filming the next Twilight movie?**

Because we don't live in a place where we might just possibly fall off the earth (like California). They've only filmed two movies in Wis to my knowledge. 1. Public Enemies 2. The old one in Gleason with the giant spiders.

**But the filmed in Canada this time eh? Hehe. 100 Monkeys had a problem with putting 'eh' at the end of their sentences after they went to visit Jackson in Canada, It was one of the strangest blogs I've ever had the pleasure of reading but that's ok because it made me lol instead of lqtm (laughing quietly to myself)**

Oh! That good eh? Wow. Hmm. Lets pay him a visit.

**Jackson? Or the other species confused band members? (Taking head banging to a whole new level)**

Uh JACKSON?

**For the head banging thing no, for that I meant M bashing her head into your arm. But in order to visit Jackson we have to find him first and that's a problem because he just kinda randomly appears places you know... we'd have to become "Super Stalkers!"**

Da datda da!!!

**We need costumes... how handy are you with the machine again?**

Is that one costume or two? And how do you feel about lime green stretchy pants?

**With my fat butt? I'm thinking...HELL YES! Hehehe. Lime green stretchy pants... silly L...**

Well it was that or pink and I know how you are about pink...

**Ugh. Frigging prissy unicorns... girling up my room... I used to catch frogs... whose idea was that interior design anyway?**

Someone who also started toddler beauty pageants?

**Ugh I hate toddler beauty pageants, they think some 3 year old cares about winning money and trophies. Please. Get over yourself and stop forcing your failed supermodel dreams on a child that's not coherent enough to object. Geesh.**

Exactly.

**Review and end the madness that is child beauty pageants. **


	13. Chapter 13

**D**

L

**I think somewhere Carlisle has a bag just like your mothers that he acquired before he was a doctor. "Nursing is my bag"**

Well that proves it then. Mom is as old as the dinosaurs.

** **My brother raided my Cd today. Which just begs the question WWED?  
**

What would Edward/Emmett/Esme do?

**What would Edward do.**

Hire Emmett to threaten him to give it back.

**Right. Because the fact that Edward is a dangerous vampire in himself isn't enough, you have to get the one that is as big as a house to threaten him so I get my CD's back. That seems illogical but then again so is sparkling and we don't seem to have any problem with that...**

Nope. Your brother seems to need a little more persuasion than some skinny guy threatening him.

**Good point. Even though Jasper is technically the most threatening. Damn, well at least you'll get to meet Emmett... (btw Emmett is (one of) the man of L's dreams.)**

one of many I'm afraid. If anyone knows him personally let me know plz!

**And set up a blind date in a state where the age of consent isn't 18 (grins evilly)**

Hey... 2 years from now and it'll be legal. After all... (cue music) "I am 16 going on 17..." Ok I'm done.

**How wonderful for you, but if you were in a state where it's 16 you don't have to wait. Of course you're far more patient than I am but still (Total sarcasm)**

Hah! That made me giggle.

**Not comment available that wouldn't earn me a few bruises...**

Simba... (Inside joke for those of you who don't follow)

**For those of you who want to know, visit www (dot) qdb (dot) us and search 'Simba"**

**But please be warned that this quote is not for little eyes, even though it is hilarious. But before that you should review, like right now.**


	14. Chapter 14

I'm sorry to say that I will not be posting anything on fanfiction for a while. I know that I just took a break but this time it cannot be helped. We had a lightening storm at my house this past Sunday, and because I had headphones on during the beginning of the storm I had no idea that it was even storming.

So long story short, the modem that I have to use for my dial up connection is fried, and I won't be able to get another one until I start school and can beg one off of our science teacher and resident nerd. I'm actually typing this author's note up at the library, and they don't allow you to use flash drives on their computer.

Sad I know. I'm sorry that I won't be posting but I will be able to reply to reviews and pm's via the library computer but other than that I'm afraid I won't really be here. Sorry.


	15. Chapter 15

Okay so I've been MIA for the past few months and I apologize, I've been really busy with well life and stuff and I promise that slowly but surely I am working on the next chapters to my stories and I do know where they will go.

On another note, none of you know this because well, quite frankly, I've never mentioned it here, but I'm just a 'little' shutter happy, and I take quite a few pictures, since I was told I should enter a photo contest, well I did, the cutest pet photo contest, and I'm in the semi finals, and my photo is being published in their next book so please please please please please please please please go vote for my picture of my cat Snickers and leave a comment if you did, it'll make me write faster :)))))))

www(dot)cutestpetcontest(dot)com/view100373941(dot)htm


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